Bunny Island

I am honored to report the long-awaited flattening of the Devil Satan, who was struck down by a London bus and squished to the A219. The bus, most likely the 74, runs along Fulham Palace Road and into the ninth circle of hell (also called the Hammersmith roundabout).

From the position of the remains of Lucifer, it is clear that he was heading home (toward Hammersmith) when he was unceremoniously flattened into the ground. It was a surprise to discover this simplistic end to the “unholy spirit”, however on a positive note I am happy to realize that I will no longer be tempted by demons to do things that are not “good” (like eating Velveeta).

Please note, although the Devil has been described by many cultures are being green or of a pale color, this picture clearly demonstrates that The Prince of Darkness was actually a reddish color, with black hair.

Although I do realize that eggs usually come from chickens and other friendly fowl, I was recently reminded of this fact by a rather brazen and expressive egg that found it’s way into my 6-pack of medium brown eggs from free-range organic chickens who have interior space that is not too crowded or too unclean. 

While fixing to make lunch one day, I innocently opened the remaining pack of aging eggs with the intent of frying them up along with my imported fancy Pace picante medium salsa… and there it was… staring at me… wondering… “are you my chicken”?

Though we are now experts at traveling – we pack to perfection, can simultaneously slip off our shoes, remove our belt, coat, & laptop faster than the speed of sound, and discern the least frightening entree by reading the subtle facial queues of flight attendants (in multiple languages I may add). Unfortunately I was recently reminded that  I too am not immune to the out-of-body experiences of jetlag.

When traveling from London to the  West Coast of North America, the time difference is 8 hours (except during that one week when GMT moves before anyone else and the world on either side of the pond is turned upside-down and rivers run backward, people call at weird hours, dogs meow, etc.), which unfortunately means that even if you want to stay awake past the afternoon viewing of Oprah, it is a pointless quest while competing against the physical and psychological ravages of jetlag. Jetlag also causes some rather strange things to occur as well, such as brushing your teeth twice. Or brushing your teeth twice with your hairbrush. Or brushing your teeth at all… and so on.

And that leads to me come clean on a relatively recent jetlag experience that occurred after a lovely spa day in Seattle. I was fine, my shoes were on the right feet, my nose was still attached to my face and my hair (which was freshly cleaned) was styled to perfection. It just needed a bit of glue to hold it in perfect place, so I sprayed it nicely with the pretty blue bottle of hairspray. Unfortunately, as it turns out, Suave actually makes deodorant in a spray (Who’d have thought about that nifty innovation? Wasn’t the stick good enough?). Luckily it was a nice clean powder-fresh scent that brought aromas of flowers and joy to all I met for the remainder of the day….

It is getting light again. I have a feeling… feeling… it is thirst! Quick! To the litter box where there clackaty thing on the wall that delivers moisture. No wait, that feeling is not thirst…it is another feeling… feeling… hmm..! Quick! To the litter box.

Uh oh! I hear noise. It must be something coming to eat me! Quick! To the litter box where it is safe. No wait, that is not something coming to eat me, that is one of my tall slaves… Go to the large cold box of food and get me a piece of apple. Now tall slave….apple now.

Hmm…feeling again… feeling… it is hmm… stop to clean self. Very important to be clean. All the time.

Getting a feeling again…. Feeling….I shall take a nap until I know what feeling is. Forgot about feeling. Take nap… uh oh! More noise! Something is coming to eat me! Quick! To the litter box!

It is getting dark again. Time to hop around the full warren and make sure no other bunnies have invaded. Stop to clean self. It is very important to be clean. I will leave little warnings for other bunnies should they consider moving into my space. Danger. Danger… eeek! Danger? No wait… that was me talking about danger. Right. Time to re-visit the litter box.

Dark now… sleep in warren with tall slaves. With one eye open in case something comes to eat me…

8:00 am – Breakfast! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – Mail arrived! I shall bark! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – Ran like a maniac in the park & ate shit! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got tummy rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Found toilet paper roll to destroy! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Took nap in hallway! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Licked the wall! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Went to the pub for chips! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Found shit to eat on street! I think it was shit! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Watched TV with the pack! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!